Hail Mary Chemo and Teach your Girls Well

well after much hard work from a Rugo we got insurance approval for a new chemo regimen including avastin which she has had good luck in some patients with breast to brain. This disease is a monster, but if it buys some months that is a big percentage of the kids lifetime at age 9 and 12. Maybe no graduations but a few holidays? One hell of an emotional roller coaster for all of us juggle never knowing if it is weeks or monthS. So today we head to putt putt golf w Will and have lunch with the priest who married us and dine w good friends. One day of living until it ends. We met w palliative care and talked about the terrifying potential of losing coherency at any given time. Oh how I hope it is only at the very end.

Teach Your Girls Well? Well while sometimes it is good just to have mundane normal thoughts I have realized that the legacy of teenage eating disorder is a pathetic frustration with wanting my normal flat tummy and normal body. Let’s be clear that is not a good priority when your time is up. It is the time for nees and want, not should. 10 lbs doesn’t make you hAppier or better. Cherish your body as is and eat wholesome real meals with yummy full fat real sugar desserts.  It won’t kill you. It will lift mental and physical weight and set the right example for you girls.  Husbands get yourselves and families there with unconditional love and good clothes. We are given one body. I’m trying to say thAnks to mine for all its hard work. I spent too many years trying to fill emotional holes with food. Eating good food and meditating….way better. Actually fills a bottomless pit. Think of how hArd it works just to get me out of bed and to battle these medicines and poisons.! I hope so much that it can get me back on stage and to the recording studio while I’m still here to share the music.  Thank you Creighton for loving me despite the cancer bAby and my beat sex of my life? Almost always at peak weights when I’m confident about my life and self . (Mom says TMI but you know me well) Give into that,  enough preaching, but with our girls in impressionable ages we parents have big roles to play.

I truly don’t know how much time I have with 100s of lesions on the loose in my cerebellum, but I’m living until I breathe my last breath, and smiling my last smile. Love you all

10 thoughts on “Hail Mary Chemo and Teach your Girls Well

  1. Kerry, Can I come see you tomorrow? or anytime?  Not sure if you are taking guests.  Loving all your posts and praying for you constantly.  Beth

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  2. Thank goodness. I have been thinking about you so much recently and waiting for things to calm down. Would love to see u.
    cj

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  3. Just to let you know that I’m thinking of you, Kerry, wishing you time and peace and, most of all, love … you have taught us all how to really live our lives, no matter what … Christina and I return to SF on September 20th … looking forward to seeing you after that … on stage, we hope! Hugs from Sweden 😘😘

    Geoffrey (Catarina’s and Camilla’s Dad)

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  4. Dear Kerry,

    I haven’t been directly in touch with you for a long time; but I’ve been able to somewhat keep up with your journey in recent years, your health battles and your music performing and your absolute embrace of all that is good in life despite the too-clear vision of what is terrible and scary. It’s a cliché, but still true, to say that you are inspiring. (whether you like it or not!)

    On a long drive this weekend I was listening to old a cappella music. “Freeze Frame” is still a great song (really shows off your voice!). Do you remember recording your solo in the studio, with Bill Hare; and you come to the spoken line “ok, let’s take it from the top”; and Bill stops the recording and asks what the problem was? 😀 Guess we fooled even a pro like him…. I enjoyed all four of my years with Mixed Company, but our 91-92 year was truly special for me: a wonderful leap forward musically, but also an incredible and effortlessly supportive group of people—which was a cruicial vitamin for me, still struggling to figure myself out as I was.

    Later during that weekend drive, on came “Helmet” from that same Unanimous album. In the present context, it really spoke to me: how much we wish for simpler times, for a way to stay emotionally safe and keep the scariness of the world at bay. Certainly a necessary tool sometimes; but I feel like our rite of passage into adulthood includes the realization that safety and control are illusions, so let’s stop chasing them and start, instead, chasing happiness and connection and meaningfullness and openheartedness. From what I can tell, you learned that fantastic lesson a long time ago, certainly earlier than I did 🙂

    All of this is both true and sincere, and also a way of avoiding the fact that I am writing because I heard how much your cancer has spread, and even though I have no idea what to say about that, I wanted to say something. I am so sorry about that awful news. But you are, as you’ve written, embracing every single day with the people in your present; and I am letting you know that there are just as many people from your past who still know you and care about you and remember you with great fondness.

    Love,
    Greg Martin

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  5. Great messages!!! So happy re the insurance approval. Love you Ps heading to Safeway for cake for Alexandra’s joint bday party – their request for Safeway and of course complimented by fruit (and hot dogs) but let’s enjoy and embrace!!! Xoxo

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  6. Kerry I so admire your willingness to share your imperfections. In those moments when I want to share but find myself holding back I often think of you and the courage you show in opening your heart. I think we would live in a more connected world if everyone approach life with your willingness to be vulnerable. And today, thank you for the reminder of the examples we set for our daughters through our relationship to food and importantly, to cherish our bodies with all of their beautiful imperfections. xoxo

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  7. “If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you, I came to live out loud” – Emile Zola

    Kerry, with much love and gratitude, thank you for showing us all how to live (and love) out loud. You are the best! Sending love and strength from Boston. Xoxo, Laura

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