Humbling Weakness; Savoring each day

IMG_5595The kids with real smiles at Fentons en route to Tahoe. Still some of the best ice cream around! Well one week of survival,and we are waiting to see if Rugo will come through with some good news on avastin treatment. We will always weigh toxicity vs lifestyle as it only pays to be around if I can be living and thriving. The weaknesss has been very humbling.  Because the lesions dominate the cerebellum, I’m fighting the klutziness and just doing my best to get around. What is nuts is just how quickly this came down. July 30th I was walking cane free in Boston Common, and Aug 1 i did a 90 min walk on Martha’s Vineyard with Creighton, but I had noticed that my thighs were collapsing going up steps. Very scary. This continued to worsen and now I’m dealing with week 4 of total numbness in hands and feet and the rising weakness going upstairs. Humbling and a true surrender.

All that said…I savor every day. Every email. Text, gift, smile, meal. The smell of the mountains after a hail storm. The glorious feel of a minute in Lake Tahoe after a hot afternoon chat with dear friends. Creighton has been so kind and lovingly teaching me to slow down and to be more careful. He and the kids are helping with all the surrender. I don’t know how to think about timing or death itself. Who can make up peAce with sAying goodbye to family and particularly a 9 and 12 year old who I see as so beautiful, smart, funny. I wanted to see them grow up. Who wouldnt? I know  Creighton and I have done a good job teaching them. Thanks to all of you who help them remember me and who share your wisdom in the years ahead.

I still daydream about travel. I can’t help it . I hope between all of you you will visit The Dolomites, Croatia, much of Italy, the Swiss Alps, France, Little Dix, a fabulous safari, walk across Scotland or England. I will keep adding! And of course all the beautiful western nature up into Canada from California. How lucky we are to have that here. Let’s make sure Trump doesn’t ruin it. It is a treasure.

love to all

 

 

I

3 thoughts on “Humbling Weakness; Savoring each day

  1. The eclipse was fa-nominal in Wyoming today. Your kids are as beautiful as you are. I think of you often, and your wisdom is inspiring! Stay strong, you are amazing!
    Love from the high country,
    Windy

    Like

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