Dogwoods and Doing Nothing

IMG_4844Well what started out as a most lovely start of the week staying in an even lovelier garden haven in Napa ended with special family time in Carmel, but time in which I have been nauseous, couchboubd and crazy fatigued. It seems to be the combination of back to back weeks of chemo, perhaps these several tough months of treatment and a failed tapering off a steroid. Until the last 2 days I haven’t really properly done nothing. And i really did nothing but lay in bed or on the couch. That happened post radiology in Sun Valley, and it has been a humbling time since. I pulled it together miraculously for the Hamlin gala performance, but am having a hard time remembering when I felt really good. When I have felt a little good I have pushed too hard seeing too many people and not napping.  It is hard striking the balance of enough social time while paying attention to my real energy levels

So yes, even the eternal optimist hits a wall sometimes. Today was my day. I woke up beating myself up for not getting up to capture extra time with my family. Then freaked out about disappointing the kids if I can’t improve for June in Paris. I mean, seriously. This is very silly. My wonderfully common sense brother reminded me to just let it go until closer to the event, and Creighton reminded me about the battlefield my body has been. Mom and Dad reminded me I have been fighting for a long time. And my sister in law said “REST”.

So back to resting and couchtime, but hopefully by tomorrow out of my funk. It is hard to describe how icky I feel today. Truly Blecch!

2 thoughts on “Dogwoods and Doing Nothing

  1. It must feel beyond terrible to not be able to do and feel the fabulous person you are. But you are fabulous to share the “down”‘feelings, the worry, the pits… that is what makes you the whole, thriving, loving person you are. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your life. It makes a huge difference to all those who are holding you in their hearts. Lots of love and hope to run into you on the streets of Paris in June…


  2. I love and appreciate how honest and real and open you are about how you are feeling and what an impossible journey this is. You have inspired me and made me laugh (hard) during my own struggles with treatment. My dearest college girlfriends and I have always sent “pink bubbles” to each during tough times and I am sending you one now.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s