Fragile but Healing

imageI awoke to more snow today as the kids boisterously prepped for another great day on the slopes of Baldy. I will cocoon again and try to let go into the healing after the radiation and chemo battering of the last few weeks. UsuLly I can rally for just about anything if I put my mind to it, but this is a fatigue that defies that willpower. My bones ache, and I feel unusually fragile and emotional. No better place for that than with family so not sure why I’ve let it overwhelm me this time. I think just because I’m so in love with it all, in love with the kids, family, the mountains, life. We aren’t supposed to cling, but oh how I feel myself doing so desperately. And yes, I’m afraid to die and lleave it behind.

But that is my drama speaking while I wait for some good meds and while we wait to see if this nasty treatment will beat back the cancer for awhile.

I’m reading a fabulous novel, “A Gentleman in Moscow” by Amor Towler who has such a gift with words and characters. I had enjoyed The Rules of Civility and like this even more.

Im glad we shaved my head when we did for it is coming off in little fuzzy episodes. The kids pet me.

Yeaterday Dad and I walked the 1.25 mile circle and I felt like it was 4 miles. Oh so humbling, but it made me admire how he has soldiered on since the stroke in 2009 with no complaining. I kno we both wish we were on the mountain, although if I’m totally honest I have become a fair weather skier anyway!!

i wish I had more depth for you today, but this is is allive got for now. Love to all!

3 thoughts on “Fragile but Healing

  1. Your courage always astounds me! For your reading our book group just read “Red Notice”. Non fiction and very informative and entertaining. Your dad Might enjoy it. Next month we will be reading man from Moscow ? Hope all goes well. I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed. Linda

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Like

  2. It’s okay, Kerry. You can feel fragile, you can cocoon. And it’s definitely okay to love with such fierceness. I know how much you want to contribute and be a part of it all. That’s not clinging, that’s profoundly human. Sending lots of light and healing, calm and breath your way. Love from California and all your TNC friends.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s