When you think you can’t stand one more minute of pain or nausea or frustration you just keep going, because a few hours, weeks or months will find you in a different place. It is hard to believe that a year ago I was walking with a cane and that on Sunday I was downhill skiing with my kids. Lots of highs and lows in between, but I shall always remember to hold out for the possibility that there is another peak ahead when I’m in the darkest valley.
Friday afternoon we made the most of a flight delay by going to Fentons for our favorite milkshakes. For me this ended in horrific stomach convulsions. Maybe a side effect of the drug, but it was god awful pain and through the tears I tried to remember that it would pass. The kids were so compassionate, hugging me and petting me! And sure enough by midday Saturday I was snow shoeing. It passed.
I continue to be in awe of the beauty of snow covered mountains and this year the West is truly blanketed in the stuff. Hopefully it will help the drought and in the meantime it is magnifying the beauty. I’m happy just staring at the peaks or taking in the sparkles that dance across the snow. I loved watching the kids meticulously constructing an 8 tunnel fort. I loved skiing with Mom and reading with Dad. Simple pleasures.
Last week I realized that my bucket list travel comes at the cost of fatigue. So very worth it, but always a bit humbling. On Wednesday I was literally so tired I had to stop to lie down on the family room couch because I couldn’t even make it the next 5 feet to the kitchen. So I gave in and napped for another 15 minutes before trying to get breakfast. It is just a matter of accepting and resting. For me still easer said than done, but I’m getting better at it!
Getting back to band rehearsals was a highlight of the week. We now have Next Trip Around the Sun, More than I needed the Truth, Not Out of Time, and We Can Do It on Spotify and iTunes and are wrapping up the final touches of I Want You to Know. I hope you will continue to share with friends and get us more listeners! I still get blown away hearing Jamie Goodyear and Peter Landreth’s guitar and sax solos on some on those. Mason continues to write gorgeous music and makes everything happen for the band. It is a blessing. Now working on some new material including some greats from George Michael.
For the first time since October my hands are less red from the xeloda chemo. I still battle the foot blisters but am figuring out how to manage enough to keep up my walking. Uggs have saved the day but I’m looking forward to some normal shoes here and there come February! I’m still a shoe slut.
So far I just have a CT scan for my chest and abdomen scheduled for Friday but I’m also meant to get a total Spine MRI, hip MRI, bone scan, and then a February brain MRI. No fun but will give us some good information. I always worr about new bruising, but if I judge from my recent activity I certainly feel like I’m stable. Riddled with tumors, sure, but managing well.
While I strive for more zen I can’t pretend that I don’t still swear like a sailor with the best of them in bay bridge traffic I guess the difference is when I’m over reacting I now catch myself and can see my own ridiculousness. Sometimes I need to just still spazz out, but ultimately I calm down faster and move on.
A friend’s friend recently wrote about the “wound and the wonder” that co-exist in life. And so it is. Much joy, much sadness, good and evil, pain and pleasure. Bebe told me that sometimes things suck so that we can appreciate when things are good! If anything I continue to marvel at the remarkable kindness and generosity of the amazing people I know. They make the world go around.
Wishing you all a fabulous few weeks and I will post when I have any update from the scans.