I woke up crying this morning out of joy to still be here. Yesterday was more overwhelming physically and emotionally than I had anticipated. I was so grateful to have Mom drive me to UCSF and to start the day with me followed by several friends and family who endured me in my head cage and half sleep state. Picture a hundreds tiny nails sliding into your skin on both side of your forehead and the corresponding parts of your skull to secure a thick metal cage that will immobilize you for the next 8 hours. The remaining mark is just a round pin but it hurt like holy hell on the way in. I held hands aand attempted deep breaths while tears streamed down my face. From prior radiation I had expected a short painless treatment with lots of waiting around. This one also has lots of waiting around but entails 3 full hours in the gamma knife machine with the cage on. Thank you Ativan for getting me through that and 10,0000x more to waking up to Creighton and Micaela who held my hands for a new round of pain Mgmt around the pin site when it became unbearable. I wore ear my eye mask and they played my Spotify lists including Fight Song and a lot of Birdseed. So you were all very much there with me.
Mom in awe of the venerable Dr Penny Sneed who brings the same level of compassion and kindness to the operating room as she does medical expertise. She is a beacon of quiet confidence. While Creighton and Micaela held my hands she said “You will rarely meet someone as tough or brave as this woman sitting here.” It made me cry more ☺️
Mover the day they treated 9 lesions in my brain. The 1cm had stayed the same. The others were scattered around. I will go for an MRI in 2 months to see progress for radiation works over time. I was overwhelmed certainly by the intensity of the day but also perhaps more by the remarkable kindness that comes to me from so many busy people who have plenty of drama in their own very busy lives. So please know how much I feel and hold onto that love. It is good medicine and keeps me striving.
So onward and upward. Today I plan on staying home in my robe or close to it all day. Maybe a very short walk. I will send thanks to Penny and her staff. I’m very excited to get a tree and to kick off the Christmas season. I’m a big time nerd for all of that. Just am.
That’s all I have energy for now. Thanks to all. Please envision 1000s of thank you butterflies landing on your shoulder on a walk or in your garden or simply your mind’s eye. I’m sending them now. I feel the support for near and far. Xoxox