CT, Bone Scan,small spaces!

The CT scan is relatively painless: pound two bottles of tasteless contrast filled water in short order, get my 300th IV, and go into a big donut for 5 minutes. Get injected with the contrast which makes you feel warm like you’ve peed yourself, and scan another 5 minutes. Done! UCSF runs gorgeous nature videos on the ceiling which succeed in distracting me. Not so bad, right? Then comes the Bone Scan. I do not like this. This entails being strapped like a mummy and having the machine move to within an inch of your entire body. This is not good. I made the terrible mistake in April of opening my eyes in the machine. Agggggh! It was, as mentioned, 1 inch from my nose, hot, and what I imagine to be coffin like. I pride myself on my relative calm, but not in this machine. I forgot to bring Ativan (which I swore I would do after the April episode) and so despite keeping my eyes tightly closed had to yell to come out the moment I was in. My poor sweet technician. I told him I just need 1 minute to regroup. My heart was racing, my breath short, my head spinning. I asked him if I was worse than the average patient….he said yes, but that he has seen way worse. Ha!!! I took some deep breaths and thought about what could possibly go wrong. In reality….I would not suffocate, and it was only 5 minutes for the coffin part. Ok. Ok. Ok. I geared up, focused on relaxing each part of my body, pictured going into a tent which as the dark came on opened up to the stars. I sang the lyrics of my new song Rewind……Do we get to do it all again? Is it really Deja vu? If I let go will I come back again? Come back again with all of you? What if we could rewind, set the clock back in time…

The scan was STABLE. So yay!!! I still light up like a skeleton on Halloween, but only in the usual mid spine, lower spine, bit of hip, bit of one shoulder. No new lesions. A blessing every time. 6 weeks measuring my life. I don’t freak out ahead of scans, but seeing those bright lights on my bones, getting stirred up by that crazy claustrophobic machine, makes me shaky for a few hours. So yes I did have a light margarita when I got home and read In Style. Deep breath. And Rugo despite running around at ASCO in Chicago did take the time to ensure nothing was amiss. I love her.

Hard to believe Paris is now flooded! Our timing was good. I will keep this short and end with a photo memory of that soul filling trip



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