Well, so much for my theory on the platelets. In one week they plummeted from 118 to 70. Crash. It is merely due to the toxicity of the drug, and only time reverses it. So I take a break and hopefully I’m back on within a week. I feel so vulnerable when I’m off of it and so hopeful when I’m on. I had an enormous craving for buttermilk biscuits today…so I made some and enjoyed them piping hot with berry jam yum!
I attended an interesting UCSF workshop, Pathways, specifically for women with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. This was the first structured event with cancer peers that I’d taken part in. Cancer doesn’t discriminate. All shapes, sizes, ages, ethnicities. Our first task was to partner up and “create” something. I suggested to mine that we make a Happiness Path. Take a deep breath outside first thing in the morning. Make some yummy coffee, tea, or green juice. Pet the dog. Walk. Reach out to a friend. Sing. Dance. Even for a minute. Give back. Read something interesting. Cook something nourishing for family or friends. Take a look at the first star. Say thanks. In doing this in our alloyed 2 minutes, I was reminded that even if you’re in a crazy fulfilling job you can still make time for many of these tiny rituals that can bring or embody happiness. And yours might look very different, but you get he gist. Some rainy weekend I may turn it into an art project with Bebe. And on sad days I will hold onto these simple pleasures. The crux of the workshop was Intention. Living with intention, and I often think turning intention into action. Easier said than done, but a good way to move through life. There is so little we can control, but that we can. Interestingly intentions aren’t goals. I find myself so apt to judge myself for failure. Oh I didn’t get to that. I fell flat on that, that was bad. But I can set intentions and do my best to support them.
We had a remarkable opportunity (Thank you Kimberly!!!!!!!) on Thursday to attend the fabulous Warriors/Thunder game. I had no idea when I accepted that we would be sitting court side. Will was beside himself. We sat just below the hoop. Nothing like 7ft of man racing towards you! Steph Curry’s agility blew our minds. He makes it look like he’s dancing on air. If sugar fuels cancer then I did nothing to help my cause joyfully diving into gummy sharks, m&ms, Rice Krispie treats and frozen yogurt. Bliss. The arena surges with energy.
I was sad to finish A Man Called Ove which was a pure delight to read. It is based in Sweden around a real curmudgeon who has lost the love of his life and despite his best attempts to end his own eventually finds how needed he is in the world. It is so endearing and laugh out loud funny in the way The Rosie Project is. I loved it! This may allow me to try something more serious for the next one.
Next week I will have a full body bone scan. Fingers crossed. As ever, stability would be good news. Sometimes it is all so surreal. One of the women in the workshop was very accomplished and had also raised 2 girls now in college and the workplace. She said she had worked so hard to raise them well and just wants to see how they turn out. Oh how I feel the same way. Except that I would even be thrilled to make it to her stage in life. I love them so much and I just want to see how they make their way in the world. I’m tired today. Still in my robe and pajamas. A bit embarrassing but very relaxed. I just had some lovely puppy platelet boosting time with my friends 3mth old daisy dog. Like a baby ewok blended with an angel. So so cute. Thea and Penley were very confused by the little ball of energy and very relieved when they realized it was just a visitor.